Surrounded By Others And Yet So Alone

Professional Reviews

“What we have in Freiberg, I’m happy to say, is the Oliver Sacks of law…Freiberg’s stories of law cases—like Sacks’ clinical tales of his neurology patients—lead the reader through a fascinating accounting of the technical workings of their respective professions. But both writers do so much more for us than that, for both report to us how, by being forced to think outside the box, they worked to resolve the singular and fascinating cases that came their way. And Freiberg, like Sacks, has an unpretentious ease of expression in his flowing prose that sometimes brings a tear, sometimes a smile, and often an insight. Both writers manage to report their professional intervention in deadly serious real-world circumstances with a lightness of touch than seems almost ethereal. Freiberg never lectures this reader; on the contrary, his voice seems more like a whisper from the person sitting next to you as you both look out at the legal drama seemingly unfolding on its own in the pages you read.”

Review in US REVIEW by Kat Kennedy

``Loneliness, I realized, is the sensation of inadequate connections to others, just as hunger is the sensation of inadequate nourishment and thirst is the sensation of inadequate hydration.``
Consisting of five stories taken from the author’s work as a lawyer, this book offers a study in the causes of subjective chronic loneliness in those whose connections with other people “fail to provide the security, nurturing, and soothing care that others enjoy from their healthy connective networks.” In looking over his many years of case studies, the author narrows down the types of misconnections experienced by the chronically lonely into five categories: “Tenuous Connections,” in which the connections between clients are uncertain or unreliable; “One-Way Connections”—for example, unrequited love; “Fraudulent Connections,” wherein one’s relationship is based on deception and manipulation; “Obstructed Connections,” where one is prevented from being emotionally available; and “Dangerous Connections,” in which the relationship can cause devastating emotional and physical harm. For each of these misconnections, Freiberg includes a case study from one of his past clients to illustrate how people who are in relationships with others may still suffer loneliness because of the failure of their relationships to offer healthy connections.
The five case studies presented in this work are exceptional tales of the human experience. Some are heart-wrenching as they deal with innocent children who find themselves at the mercy of the adults in their lives. Others deal with the bizarre turns that life can take and the human capacity to see what one wants to see even to the point of denying an unmistakable truth. Each fascinating story is told through the voice of a master storyteller, which renders the text fluid and engaging while instilling its subjects with a humanity which elevates them far beyond a case study in a folder. One feels for each of these people as they navigate the legal system, gaining respect for the author and his role in helping them. There is much to learn about humanity, as well as the nuances of loneliness in the author’s work.
Freiberg has a unique position from which to address the issue of loneliness through the lens of litigation. He began his career as a social psychologist after obtaining his PhD at UCLA and spending a decade as a professor at Boston University. After receiving his J.D. at Harvard, he embarked on his long career as a lawyer. Having experience in both fields gives him a unique perspective on the modern phenomenon of loneliness and how it contributed to particular law cases on which he worked. This is the third of Freiberg’s books on the subject. The award-winning first, Four Seasons of Loneliness (2016), deals with four case studies from his law practice, one from each season of life. The second, Growing Up Lonely (2018), is a collection of papers, for which he served as editor, from the 2018 Symposium on Childhood Loneliness held at the Kennedy Center in Boston, MA. Each has received accolades from professionals in child psychology, with Four Seasons of Loneliness garnering the 2017 Independent Publishers Book Awards Gold Prize.
It is impossible to read these case studies without being profoundly impacted by the people involved. What Freiberg has done is to take the legal notes on each case and put a very human face on each one, all the while revealing his own deeply felt concern for his clients and their circumstances. This is a riveting read that will forever change the way one looks at chronic loneliness and the connections between humans.
RECOMMENDED by the US Review

Review by KIRKUS REVIEWS

People threatened with or suffering from loneliness turn to a lawyer for help in this insightful memoir of vexed relationships. Freiberg, a former Boston University sociology professor and longtime attorney who represented social services agencies, recounts five cases he worked on that focus on interpersonal connections gone wrong. In a complex child custody case, a 6-year-old girl whose mother died suddenly faced separation from a man who’d cared for her from birth and the prospect of being shipped off to a grandmother she didn’t know. In an off-kilter disbarment proceeding, the author defended a competent, energetic attorney accused of ethical impropriety for not pressuring clients to accept advantageous plea bargains; Freiberg came to believe that the lonely, isolated man had tried to prolong his clients’ cases so he could maintain relationships with them. The author also dealt with a celebrated case of relationship fraud, negotiating contracts for Shi Pei-Pu—a male Chinese opera soprano who pretended to be a woman in order to maintain a decadeslong love affair with an ostensibly unwitting male French diplomat; the affair ended when they were arrested for espionage. (Shi’s life story later became the inspiration for the famous 1988 play M. Butterfly.) In a bit of impromptu family therapy, Freiberg helped a lonely 10-year-old cancer patient convince his distracted parents that he needed more love from them; the attorney later advised the boy’s mother on how to rectify the fact that she robbed a bank decades before, which enmeshed him in negotiations with federal prosecutors and a Mafia don. And in a plangent domestic abuse case that demonstrates the danger of ties that bind too tightly, the author advised a baker and her stepson in their quest to get free of her violent husband. Beneath an overlay of psychological analysis, Freiberg’s case studies unfold like short stories, complete with evocative characterizations (“my client was satisfied with living alone, working alone, and surviving on the thin emotional soup of his fantasy”) and fraught scenes in which unwitting self-revelation flows from subtle observations of setting and action. For example, regarding Shi’s ill-advised operatic comeback attempt, he writes, “The delicate soprano tones he so searched to refind were no longer available....Three or four seconds passed before a belated and brief round of unconvincingly timid applause broke out. Shi Pei-Pu visibly quiv­ered at being so out of place, so disconnected, so alone.” There’s a lot of lawyering here, with descriptions of gnarly strategizing, behind-the-scenes negotiations, and courtroom drama, as in the custody case: “I can’t lose my daddy,’ she replied. ‘I already lost my mommy….It would be like if you lost one eye, that would make you sad….But if you lost both eyes, that would make you blind.” At times, the narratives get bogged down in meandering dialogue, but the subjects’ own testimonies often carry extraordinary force. The result is a richly literary and psychological meditation on legal conflicts that illuminates the ways that people need and hurt one another.

A series of engrossing true-life legal procedurals that pack an emotional wallop.

Review in BookLIFE

Attorney and former social psychology professor Freiberg (Growing Up Lonely: Disconnection and Misconnection in the Lives of Our Children) assembles a sparkling collection of exceedingly erudite essays on human nature as seen through the lens of some of his most memorable legal cases. For over three decades in Boston, Freiberg worked for child protective social service organizations, adoption agencies, and many psychiatrists, psychologists, and clinical social workers. The majority of his stories center on children and the social and psychological stresses that litigants experience and inflict on one another in legal proceedings.

One of the most heartstring-tugging pieces is “The Girl Who Inherited France,” the story of a bright six-year-old whose mother dies suddenly from a stroke. In a protracted custody battle, her stepfather fights to keep custody of the little girl he considers his daughter. Another story likely to elicit tears is “Three Souls Caught in a Spider’s Web,” the tale of a bakery owner and battered wife who helps her isolated stepson to find a forever home. The author’s passion for his subjects will readily be shared by the reader. The theme of solitude and loneliness connects the essays, but each one takes a different approach, and each child is a sympathetically depicted individual.

Though billed primarily as an analysis of loneliness, this is far from a dry textbook. Freiberg has a master storyteller’s skillful voice, easily drawing readers into his narratives and keeping them enthralled. He teaches through relevant examples rather than dry pronouncements and expertly gets to the emotional heart of each case, immediately garnering empathy for each person he profiles. The closing section has a more academic tone but is still very accessible and reader-friendly. Expertly written and perfectly paced, Freiberg’s work puts a human face on the law and will have considerable appeal for anyone interested in human nature both at its best and at its worst.

Takeaway: Anyone with an interest in loneliness, solitude, or the sorrows of children caught in litigation will be enthralled by these erudite and sympathetic essays.

Great for fans of Oliver Sacks’s The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat, E.O. Wilson’s On Human Behavior.

Production grades
Cover: A+
Design and typography: A+
Illustrations: -
Editing: A+
Marketing copy: A

Review in Good Reads

I am a lawyer. I have known a lot of lawyers. They have not, as a general rule, been the most adept at maneuvering their way through the world of emotion... That's not to say we, as a class, are heartless. We are no more or less so than any other category of humans. But I do think that, because of the nature of the work, we tend to be excellent at separating ourselves from emotion when necessary (and ``when necessary`` tends to translate to ``often``). If we could not, it would be very difficult to do what we do with the precision and clarity we need to. This is true for corporate lawyers as well as family lawyers, and all categories in between. To represent someone in what are often their most difficult moments (civil or criminal, professional or personal), we have to be able to look at all the angles - and if you are caught up in the emotional drama of the person's situation, it can be difficult (if not impossible) to do that to the extent necessary to get the job done.

But distancing yourself from the emotional impact of what you're doing does not, by any means, mean you are isolated from it. You ignore the human impact of your actions at your own (and your client's) peril. And that's where someone like Terry Freiberg becomes the most important lawyer I know of. This is the second book of his that I have read. It will not be the last (assuming he keeps writing them, of course!) because his words remind me why I have always been captivated by the law and why I believe, no matter how many lawyer jokes or horror stories I hear, that ours is a noble profession with the power to do great things. He reminds me that words like love and loneliness are entirely relevant to the practice of law, because they are entirely relevant to the practice of being human. In this second book, Freiberg once again uses case studies to remind us of this.

Through a series of stories of individual's experiences with life and the law, Freiberg demonstrates how loneliness is at the heart of the isolation that is rendering modernity so scary for so many of us. The stories are interesting, lovely and heartwarming. They are also difficult to read at times, particularly if you find them and their theme so resonant, as I did. During the course of my read, we lost my dad to ALS, in the midst of a global pandemic that meant we were robbed not only of years with him, courtesy of the disease, but of many of the final months and weeks of him, because of quarantining. Having just lost my dad, I was indeed one of the eponymous people surrounded by others and yet so alone, and I was very nervous that the book would be too difficult to read as a result...

It was difficult. But it also helped. I only cried once during the read (an exceptional accomplishment in those days, when I pretty much cried every day). I won't spoil the story by telling you why, only point out that it was Billy's story that did it. The rest of the time I found the stories to deliver an element of hope on top of their thought provoking lessons. Freiberg has a marvelous ability to translate people's lives and their struggles into readable tales that allow us to explore our hearts without feeling like we are being preached at. It is a gift, and one I hope he keeps sharing - I for one will read anything he produces. His books are unfailingly interesting, thoughtful, and important reminders of why we're here and how we need to remember that none of us is alone in this world, even when it feels most like we are...

Thank you to the exceptionally talented Terry Freiberg for providing me with an obligation-free review copy - and for waiting so patiently for me to deal with my own issues and grief in order to prepare this long-overdue review!

Reviews in Readers’ Favorite

Surrounded by Others and Yet So Alone: A Lawyer’s Case Stories of Love, Loneliness, and Litigation by J. W. Freiberg is a compelling and eye-opening book that discusses a topic that is as relevant as it is intimate to the human spirit: loneliness. Using stories of some of his clients, the author, a social psychologist turned lawyer, explores how human misconnections drive the disturbing experience of loneliness, to the point that people live with friends, family, and mates yet they feel a devastating sense of loneliness. The author identifies three different types of misconnection: fraudulent connection, obstructed connection, and dangerous connection and unveils some of their characteristics. People experiencing these kinds of misconnections, like Victoria Bergeron in the story of “The Girl Who Inherited France,” featured in the book, are seemingly normal people, or are they, really? In this book, J. W. Freiberg analyzes the human experience of loneliness and explores some of its causes, illustrating how wrongly forged connections can be unsettling and harmful. The ability to share stories from people he’s encountered in his work is exceptional and the analysis the author shares with readers is enlightening. While reading Surrounded by Others and Yet So Alone, I felt compelled to examine the connections in my personal life, from family to friends and the people I meet in the neighborhood. The author compels readers to ask the question: Am I genuinely, authentically, properly connected? It is surprising how some of our connections are either dangerous or fraudulent. The book is entertaining and hugely informative, but what makes it stand out is the way it will compel readers to scrutinize their relationships. In an age when gadgets and technology make us drift further and further away from real human connections, this book is a powerful reminder of the importance of human connections to our personal and social health. Just as Brene Brown is the expert on human vulnerability, J. W. Freiberg is an expert in human connection and loneliness. It is a page-turner and a must-read.

Surrounded by Others and Yet So Alone: A Lawyer’s Case Stories of Love, Loneliness, and Litigation is a work of non-fiction focusing on relationships and personal feelings and was penned by author J. W. Freiberg. In this highly engrossing follow up to Four Seasons of Loneliness, the author once again explores the crisis of social isolation and chronic loneliness, this time through an exploration of a lack of connection in relationships. What results are some beautifully penned portraits of real cases, along with a deep and psychological exploration of the human experience through their eyes, and from the author’s own perspective as a lawyer. Whilst this wouldn’t be my usual go-to read, author J. W. Freiberg had me hooked right from the beginning. For a work of non-fiction, the scenes in these different cases are presented with all the creative talents of a novelist, inviting us to meet fully realized characters and engage with the intense problems and feelings that they are experiencing. This highlights the central issues of the book in an emotive and extremely relatable way, helping those who have never experienced chronic loneliness to truly understand how damaging it can be, and also how it affects and is affected by relationships. What results is an emotional journey of getting to know both the author and his cases, whilst also being deeply educated on an important element of social psychology for the modern world. Overall, I would highly recommend Surrounded by Others and Yet So Alone for all readers wanting to understand mental health in the modern world a little more.

Surrounded by Others and Yet So Alone: A Lawyer’s Case Stories of Love, Loneliness, and Litigation by J. W. Freiberg is the fifth book published in the author's non-fiction arsenal that is drawn by his legal career. This installment is preceded by Growing Up Lonely, Four Seasons of Loneliness, Critical Sociology, and The French Press. In this volume, Freiberg delivers five distinct stories that delve into the very real situations of people who are emotionally isolated despite having a traditional circle of people around them. The book begins with an overview of the different types of connections—aptly labeled as misconnections—which do little or nothing for our well-being. Through the lives and the cases that Freiberg presents, we are able to connect on our own with those who themselves were burdened by loneliness. Surrounded by Others and Yet So Alone is as much a psychological study as it is a compelling reminder of the difference between quality over quantity in the circles we build as well as those we do not, such as with family. I was particularly touched by the chapter on a young boy named Billy Denver, an emotionally starved cancer patient who turns to Freiberg in an attempt to make things right with his parents in The Boy Who Was Older than his Parents. Billy is such a profoundly intelligent boy that he sums up the kinship between himself and his mother by saying, “There’s just no heat in her warmth.” The stories are incredible, made more so because they are true, and are brought to life through the talented writing that only an author with the skill of Freiberg could portray. This is an excellent book that is easy to recommend to any reader who adores true to life narratives.

Surrounded by Others and Yet So Alone: A Lawyer’s Case Stories of Love, Loneliness, and Litigation by J. W. Freiberg is a book that hit me hard and that had me thinking about the nature of my relationships and human connections. In this book, the author explores the “why” and the “how” people have others in their lives and draws the attention of the reader to the scourge of this age: loneliness. Indeed, one can walk for miles and miles through a teeming crowd and still feel terribly lonely. In the stories featured in this book, the author shows how we connect with others for the wrong reasons and the wrong way, and while such connections might not show an immediate health concern, they aren’t healthy. He calls such connections misconnections and explores how they affect characters he has known. The author shares real experiences and encounters with his clients and shows readers how loneliness becomes a troubling issue that leads to suffering. I loved how J. W. Freiberg brings his experience as a social psychologist and lawyer into the book. Most of the characters whose stories are shared are the author’s clients and the analysis he makes of their cases is astonishing; it explores the theme of misconnection and how what we think are relationships do not benefit us. As I read through these pages, I could relive my personal experience of loneliness, even in the company of people I thought loved and valued me genuinely. That void and the disturbing sense of not belonging is a theme so well written about in this book that it becomes very illuminating to readers. Surrounded by Others and Yet So Alone: A Lawyer’s Case Stories of Love, Loneliness, and Litigation is an eye-opening book with a message that contemporary readers need to hear. It is insightful, intelligently crafted, and filled with wisdom.

Are you one of the millions out there who, like me, even in the midst of loved ones, on a deeper, almost secret level, feels very much alone, and hence often lonely? The colorful book cover of Surrounded by Others Yet So Alone by J.W. Freiberg, social psychologist and lawyer, illustrates this perfectly. But even more perfect illustrations of this antithesis are found in the five real stories Freiberg shares with readers in this, his second book focused on loneliness. Freiberg opens his book with a fascinating and comprehensive look at human connections and how they ultimately affect our relationships. That section alone is eye-opening. You might instantly recognize some of the things causing a disconnect between you and a spouse, a family member, or a co-worker. You’ll want to dog-ear those pages for future and further reflection. After this introduction, the sensitive and caring story-teller in J.W. Freiberg takes over from the psychologist, and readers become immersed in stories starring some amazing children; caring, successful parents lost in their secret pasts; a dedicated, well-meaning lawyer whose own profound loneliness nearly gets him disbarred; a battered wife whose own PTSD is as bad as that of her veteran mate, and a most unusual relationship between an oriental opera singer and their partner of several decades. Freiberg’s story-telling abilities made every case, even the legalities explored, of interest. But what is most unforgettable are the principal characters peopling the stories, and Freiberg’s skill in making them come alive on the page. By the time I read each person’s story, I felt I had known them for years, even the brilliant children whose ability at self-expression rivals that of many adults. I recognized the lonely heartache of the fat child who grew up feeling unloved and desperately in need of feeling worthwhile. And I related to that female victim of emotional, sexual, and physical abuse. These are all everyday people like you and me, but oh, how life and other people have impacted who they ultimately became. Surrounded by Others Yet So Alone is not a depressing book. Yes, its truths are profound and thought-provoking, but as Freiberg takes us through the complications of each case in his friendly style, often even poking fun at himself, readers cannot help but feel how lucky each of these characters was to have Freiberg in their corner. That most likely was not the author’s intention in writing this book but you can’t come away without hoping that if the need ever arises, each of us might find a Freiberg in our circle of friends. Brilliant book, brilliantly written. Highly recommended.

“This book is a compilation of extraordinary stories told by a master storyteller. J. W. Freiberg has met some amazingly resilient survivors of a somewhat broken system and has told their tales with uncommon grace. His humanity, his compassion, and his love for the details of the law shine through his stories with clarity!”

“These surprising and moving stories draw us a vivid map of the many worlds of loneliness. J. W. Freiberg has so much to tell us about the causes of loneliness and what it’s like to be trapped there. And he’s a hell of a storyteller with some amazing tales to tell.”

As a retired psychology professor and podcaster, I strongly recommend this book. Dr. J. W. Freiberg is both a social psychologist and an attorney. His research on loneliness is qualitative, consisting of hundreds of legal case consultations collected over a period of 30 years or so. This was in the context of his working for a legal firm whose job was to provide legal advice and back up to a variety of Boston social service agencies. When one thinks of the Law, the topic of loneliness is not the first thing that comes to mind. However, as Dr. Freiberg, who goes by the nickname Terry, looked back over all his case records, he found that some form of loneliness was at the root of most of the cases. He describes loneliness as a sensation rather than an emotion. He sees it as deeply rooted in our brain, underscoring our evolutionary history as social mammals, clumping together for safety. The sensation of being disconnected from the group evokes a kind of primal fear. Terry, sees loneliness as pandemic, not just in the U.S. but throughout the industrialized world. In fact, he says chronic loneliness is a relatively new phenomenon that did not exist before the Industrial Revolution. Terry has written a number of books on the topic of loneliness, of which Surrounded By Others And Yet So Alone is one of the most recent. In it, he characterizes five different types of social misconnections that lead to tragically isolated, lonely lives:
Tenuous connections
One-way connections
Fraudulent Connections
Obstructed Connections
Dangerous Connections
Each of these five are illustrated beautifully in an extended case story in his Surrounded By Others book.
Terry sees a great increase in chronic loneliness among today’s children, caused by the temporary relationships characterizing modern life and further aggravated by the social distance of social media.
The unfortunate co-occurrence of the covid-19 crisis will exacerbate the symptoms of those who are already struggling with social isolation.
Dr. Freiberg’s case stories are done with such story-telling skill that they have been likened to the writing of Oliver Saks. On that basis alone, whether or not one is interested in loneliness, I strongly recommend Surrounded By Others and Yet So Alone.

Review by NBY News

Surrounded By Others And Yet So Alone by J.W. Freiberg available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Goodreads. In this follow-up to his acclaimed book, Four Seasons of Loneliness (winner of the 2017 Independent Publishers Gold Prize as the best book of the year in Psychology / Mental Health), social psychologist turned lawyer J. W. Freiberg continues to explore chronic loneliness, one of modern society’s most serious public health crises. Freiberg explores the impact of faulty connections in failing relationships. But don’t expect to be lectured on the topic; you will find yourself reading a collection of deeply human stories. And that’s a good thing, because Freiberg is a master storyteller.

Independent Reviews

In these four stories, the author explores and reveals a full range of human emotion -- from dismay at our capacity for cruelty to heartwarming optimism at our equal capacity for empathy and compassion.
Each case history is a stand-alone and very absorbing read for those who simply love a good human-interest story -- full of highly-relatable, sympathetic characters. And not a moment too soon, at a time when our ``entertainment`` media are increasingly filled with infantile subject matter, extreme, gratuitous violence and unimaginative, re-hashed story lines. Each vignette is a lavish spread of food for thought regarding the timeless, fundamental human need for connection, love and friendship.
The author's writing is richly detailed, very well-informed and compelling. These are, in other words, stories to sink your teeth into -- filled with pathos and humor and very artfully told.
Well done!

“J. W. Freiberg’s books, the most meaningful I have read in many years… eloquently written stories shed welcome light on the lives of chronically lonely individuals… Drawing from two careers, an early one as a university sociologist and a fulfilling sequel as a big city attorney, he redefines loneliness as a clinical disorder and offers a first-hand account of professional interventions in the tangled, heartbreaking anomie of children and adults whose very existence is imperiled by their social isolation…The more stories Freiberg tells, the greater the insight he lends to the increasingly complex problems of maintaining healthy emotional connections under rapidly changing social conditions… Freiberg’s books are likewise essential to understanding the future of family relationships… Some reviewers compare Freiberg’s writings to books by the late Dr. Oliver Sacks, renowned for unraveling the mysteries of the human brain in crisp Sherlockian style. Yet in pursuing the singular concept of loneliness, I think `{`Freiberg`}` advances the more fundamental dialectic between the individual and society as explored by the good Doctor Freud in Future of an Illusion and Civilization and its Discontents. More than a century later, we already inhabit a brave new world. The problem for all of us is how to avoid being stranded there without love.”

Loneliness is the sort of thing we think we are alone in experiencing and as such there was such an art in J.W. Freiberg's stories in ``Surrounded by Others and Yet So Alone… this book is a reminder that loneliness is part of the human experience. It's something we all deal with (or don't deal with) and talking about it helps us to feel less alone…This book is beautifully written and a nice look at different forms of loneliness from a lawyer's perspective and cases…This book is an excellent escape on a cold spring day. Thank you!”

As a sufferer from anxiety, depression, and PTSD, I found this book very meaningful to me on a personal level. In this book, Mr. Freiberg tells his stories as a lawyer helping those with mental illness and other issues overcome legal battles. In one case, a battle where the mother passes away, leaving the child in an unusual predicament. The biological father is unaware of the child's existence and lives in a foreign country. The mother did not marry the only father the child has known. This and other cases are written in a vivid and interesting style that keeps you wanting to read until the end of each case so you know how it turns out. I found it well written and almost like fiction. If there were six stars, he'd get one for this work.

I was hesitant to read anything too deep or reflective since I've been trying to cope/manage/survive through an emotional roller coaster that kept trucking right into the country's lockdown status for the COVID-19 crisis. I am the go-to for counseling when my child, very emotional and anxiety-driven, goes to. I am the manager, teacher, friend, parent, counselor, nurse, employee, chef, janitor, maid, assistant, boss in this home...and I'm also struggling, but I don't have an outlet. I'm everyone's go-to, but I have no go-to myself. So, I've been skirting around acknowledging this to avoid confronting it and feeling worse. After a particularly difficult day with family dynamics, I decided the book could put me no further down the loneliness rabbit hole that I really already was, despite my trying to compartmentalize and ignore it. I'M SO RELIEVED I READ THIS BOOK. I cannot stress enough how simply reading these tales of others' struggles and realizations made me feel less alone, though nothing really changed in any other way.
Aside from how this book impacted me personally, I need to emphasize how eloquently the author writes. I felt like I could pick up the phone and call him and he'd be immediately warm and engaging. He has a gift that really is one-in-a-million. He's not pushy or preachy, but I felt Mr. Freiberg was just in-tune and educated with that kindness that cannot be taught or learned; it's simply innate.
I highly recommend this book if you need a connection that you can't put your finger on, or if you feel like someone in your life can use some steering into the light.

This book was definitely eye opening but a tough pill to swallow during the CoVid-19 pandemic. As people are confined to their homes, a greater sense of loneliness has become more apparent. Even though this book reads as fictitious, it is in fact a non fiction book. I absolutely love each tale and can identify and feel the pain of loneliness in each story. It’s interesting to see how legality and government restrictions can enforce change in our lives both good and bad. One doesn’t always equate love as the antithesis of loneliness, but in many ways it helps ease the burden that it causes. This book is separated into multiple cases which allows the reader to pick and choose which case to read. All of the cases are independent of each other but it is so difficult not to read through the entire book in one sitting. Especially now, people feel a sense of camaraderie with feelings of loneliness and all are seeking ways to help each other not feel so alone. This book is written beautifully and actually gives one a semblance of peace especially now. I would recommend this book to anyone who is interested in legal cases, loneliness, and just plain examples of amazing humanity.

I am surely not alone in feeling some sense of loneliness during this uncertain time. Even though I am home with my family, and totally busy, I feel a real sense of loss and loneliness at looking back at past social interactions and normalities, and am uneasy about the uncertainty that lies ahead. Surrounded By Others is not a true story, though it could be, especially now. Restrictions and laws make their way into each of the stories within the book, and can create either a good or a bad outcome for those involved. good and bad. The one thing that seems to be constant throughout the stories, other than the overarching theme of loneliness, is love. The presence or absence of love within each can have an effect on the people involved, though not always in the ways we predict at the start. It is a very well written book, and I could find myself drawn into each story, even if I didn't think I had much in common with the characters in each one. I would recommend this book. It is a fast read, and it draws the reader in for the ride.

I very much enjoyed this book! I didn't even realize I was learning important facts about sociology and other related psychological dynamics throughout. In this book, you will find intriguing stories that keep you on the edge of your seat. I had to basically finish each vignette within a day, because of the suspense. What is even more interesting to me, is that all of these stories are true--taken from a Social Psychologist/Lawyer's case files! For a few pages in each story, the author weaves in a few facts or anecdotes about different types of loneliness (such as ``Dangerous Connections``), that are not the ``stereotype`` of the loner, but the very types of relationships that people can become engaged with--that can result in chronic toxic loneliness.
I loved it!

Growing Up Lonely

“The more stories Freiberg tells, the greater the insight he lends to the increasingly complex problems of maintaining healthy emotional connections under rapidly changing social conditions. He also provides supplementary commentary. Growing Up Lonely includes essays by medical doctors explaining the critical role of nurturing in infancy and the resulting dysfunctions when normative processes are disrupted. Their recommendations alert readers to the dangers of parental distraction in a world of 24/7 work and excessive screen time that substitutes poorly for face-to-face connections. This can distort the neural pathways and produce unforeseen abreactions to the stresses of modern life. One child psychiatrist proposes this as a possible explanation for the ongoing tragedy of school massacres.”

``Excellent insights, well written, the words flowed easily!``

Freiberg and his colleagues shine a bright light on a subject which for too long has been shrouded in darkness- loneliness and the broken connections which make it possible. This book will make you think about loneliness in new ways. I urge you to read it.

Four Seasons Of Loneliness

Four Seasons of Loneliness made me think long and hard. Long about my life and the lonely people in the world. The stories shared will tug at your heart strings and they are bittersweet. I often wondered about Ashley and especially Seth Doe's fate. It's dark and disturbing and Hollywood could not create such a plot of of wicked sexual abuse. How this comes into play is that the authorities were alerted about these deeds and the children are taken from their family. Despite these wrongs the children feel a great sense of loss. Sad but true. Another narrative that struck a chord is the fall of the truck driver. Caradelli accidently kills a young woman with his vehicle and this leads to a lawsuit. The company he works for is also to blame. The man feels remorse. He is ready to face the family of the deceased during the court proceedings and take responsibility. You understand how close Jennifer and her mother were and the father's regret. The truck driver recounts to Terry his sense of isolation. He finds solace in his books but it is not a true replacement for actual human interaction. Perhaps he couldn't relate to anyone or his father's rejection caused him to retreat from seeking connections, The saga of Henry Huddleston resonated the most with me. He lost love and he gave up hope for himself. He devoted his life studying the history of romantic love. There was a point in my life that I didn't wish to form any further attachments. My heart was heavy and I was at the abyss yet I came to my senses after reading about him. Life is better with someone to share it.

I have worked in the legal field and the courtroom handling domestic relations cases, and this book is an absolute must read! I have encountered many individuals who have been so severely affected by the lack of connections and live with this void. The characters we meet in this book have a little bit of each of us in them, and they show us that it is a dreadful existence when you cannot find that specific connection. I cannot get over how this book speaks to me. On a professional level, this book is an example of life, but on a personal level, I find myself realizing everyday the people around me.
J. W. Freiberg writes with such clarity and ease, that I couldn't put this book down, and have read it many times over. He focuses on his word choice and has great descriptions, making the words jump out and paint a picture. Not only does this book have an incredible message, it is written in a way that rings true. J. W. Freiberg has a huge wealth of knowledge and has put that down in writing.

I loved this book!

In this book, J.W. Freiberg writes about four different case studies that share a common theme: loneliness. Each one of the cases follows a different individual from Freiberg’s point of view, who has somehow found themselves completely alone in the world. Two of the individuals have found themselves alone because of the influence of other people; the other two, by way of personal choice. Freiberg possesses talent in writing with great detail. He does a wonderful job in keeping the topic light, interesting, yet also serious. Each story grabs you and pulls you in just like you’re right there experiencing it with him. The topic is thought provoking and I found myself thinking about the topic of loneliness when I wasn’t reading the book. In the end, Freiberg warns us that loneliness is a growing problem in America, but he doesn’t end the book with that startling thought. He provides what he believes is a solution. He tells us that connections are the key to combating loneliness and as I pondered the book after I had finished reading it, I realized how much that hits home for me. I’m an introvert through and through, and I usually choose to be by myself, but being alone for a time makes me realize that I most definitely crave conversation and time with my friends and family. This book made me realize that if I were to stop tending to my connections completely, then I would most likely experience true loneliness.

Overall, I really enjoyed this book and what it has to offer. I would recommend it for anyone who likes to read about topics that are thought provoking.

Absolutely amazing! Freiberg comes across as a very perceptive and introspective person.
Loneliness is a part of life and how a person deals with it can be life defining. Freiberg uses his background in social psychology, his experience as a lawyer, and his great compassion to write an absolutely amazing case study on loneliness. Freiberg meets some of the loneliest people through his work as a lawyer. He quickly finds that he is referred many clients due to his background in psychology. This allows him to work and learn from many different people. Freiberg uses the examples of an abused child (Seth Doe), a political prisoner (Sidney Rittenberg), a truck driver (Paul Cardarelli), and a history professor (Henry Huddleston) to describe different types of loneliness.
Freiberg is able to bring his clients to life! Each character is in a different “season” of life and no two characters make the same choices to deal with their loneliness. Freiberg uses his clients to show how devastating loneliness can be. His hope is to push people to get involved and not allow loneliness to rule their lives.
I was hooked from the first chapter of this book. Freiberg has a very clean writing style that could be attributed to his many years in academia. He is able to intertwine his own life into the telling of the story. This allowed for his compassionate nature to show throughout the four different stories. I would highly recommend this book to anyone interested in how actions can change a person’s life.

When I read J.W. Freiberg's book I had no premonition nor was I prepared for the compelling and abundant insight that pervades his book.Years prior, I had been witness to Freiberg's sensitivity and compassion when he fashioned a living will while in the presence of my dying wife; a will that left her secure in the belief that her life was not in vain and that her children would be taken care of.
So I had no idea when I picked up his book to read by my fireplace late one night that Freiberg, in addition to being my favored attorney, would also become one of my favorite authors!
Choosing four legal cases from a long and successful career as an attorney-- cases which he followed as closely as any attorney has ever monitored a case-- he weaves these actual life stories into a compelling and altogether engaging way of looking at the consequences of sustained loneliness. His merit as a writer, as an author of exceptional and low-key brilliance, is such that you find yourself easily and compassionately drawn into the lives of his clients, victims of their own immeasurable and inescapable loneliness. You side with no one. Strangely, you observe the``slings and arrows of outrageous fortune`` with wonder and empathy as you are guided gently through the author's observations, and insights into an understanding of how hopelessness, longing, and despair engulfed these clients' lives. This book is a work of love, compassion and unusual perception into the dedication of a man who chose not to simply live his life as a successful professor of social psychology and attorney at law, but who also took the time to share with us the details of the lives of clients who touched his sensibilities throughout his career. He has given us a gem of compassion to ponder. Read this book, absorb its message, and do everything it suggests to never fall prey to the four seasons of loneliness. And in the process, you'll develop a lot more sympathy for those who do.

Tommy Thompson,
Faculty, Institute for Advanced Theater Training at Harvard University